


The Distance In-Between

by Evee_chan



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post episode 2, hugs in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evee_chan/pseuds/Evee_chan
Summary: He's a perfect, beautiful and elegant man on the other side of a screen and up close he's cold. Cold, ice blue eyes that lay their gaze on him. So impossibly frigid it freezes his soul.





	1. An Arm's Reach Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been flip flopping in my head for so long and throwing a tantrum refusing to be written but refusing to leave me alone... haha. Let me know if there are any mistakes! Unbeta'd~

The Man of Ice. The Ice Prince. There are many names given to Viktor Nikiforov, and there seems to be some truth in it. Yuuri can see in the way he smiles at his fans, lips pulled wide but the smile never reaches his eyes. He flaunts his charms for everyone to see, never commits, giving just the grin and wink and melts the hearts of everyone before turning away. Yuuri sees, and he gives up before he can even begin. He contents himself admiring from afar, watching such a perfect, beautiful and elegant man from the other side of a screen.

               

The last little spark of hope burns out when he loses abysmally in the final of the Grand Prix. He hears his name and turns instinctively as _the Viktor Nikiforov_ walks by. His brain short circuits and he can only stare, the low murmuring of other skaters and coaches fading into nothing.

               

Icy blue eyes level their cold stare at Yuuri. “Would you like a commemorative photo?” He asks, nice and sweet and cold.  

               

Yuuri’s heart drops into his belly and his ears ring. He never expected to be on the receiving end of the cold smile he knows so well, enough to make him want to bolt like a rabbit back to _that_ bathroom stall and vomit up everything in his stomach. Which, at this point, would be nothing but bile.

               

His vision blurs, dimming at the edges and it’s all he can do not to choke on the sobs tangling up in his chest as he spins on his heel and walks shakily to the exit.

                                                                                                   

***          

                         

               

Life passes by in a blur. Yuuri barely gets by in his classes, he skates restless circuits around the local rink and finds little happiness in the bottom of his takeout boxes. Honestly, he misses his mother’s katsudon terribly. Takeout can’t match the food made with his mother’s love, whether it is katsudon or any other dish.

               

_Maybe it’s time to go home._

It’s almost more than he can bear, seeing his face plastered all over the station walls. Even a year later, the despair is quick to rush in, drowning his thoughts and spilling darkly into his lungs and suffocating him. All the promise and poise he has in the poster doesn’t match him at all anymore. Now he’s chubby, bundled in layers and layers and hiding behind a mask. The contrast between then and now makes his stomach churn and crashes in waves against his insides in the wake of Minako’s whirlwind of excitement. He can’t quite turn her down despite the roiling of his belly, so he lets himself be dragged through town, and somehow the steady murmur of Minako’s chatter as background noise soothes the anxiety somewhat.

               

Yuuri steps into his room, familiar floorboards creaking under his feet. The little cactus on his desk looks a bit droopy and sad, _kind of like me right now,_ he thinks. Everything is still just as he remembered, cluttered but orderly, knick knacks neatly lined up on his table. Even the cold gaze of poster-Viktors is the same.

               

An illogical surge of anger strikes him then --he’s not even sure why-- and he finds himself clutching at the bottom edge of the nearest poster. The corners pinned down by thumb tacks rip a little and with dark satisfaction, he tears the rest of the poster down.

               

It feels like tearing his own heart out. His eyes burn, his nose stings, his chest aches and Yuuri doesn’t even bother to wipe away the tears that overflow and spill down his cheeks. The rest of the posters take longer to come down, thumb tacks painstakingly pried out and papers left to flutter slowly to the ground. Yuuri collects them all afterwards and spares a glance to the trash bin in the corner. He can’t bear to throw away what gave him so much happiness so he stacks them neatly and slides them under the bed.

_Maybe I need to skate it out at the Ice Castle._

               

With that thought, Yuuri throws his jacket back on and nearly sprints out the front door with a hurried shout of “I’ll be at the Ice Castle for a few hours!” for his mother in the kitchen.

 

***

               

“Yuuri, starting today, I’m going to be your coach! I’ll make you win the Grand Prix Final.” It’s punctuated by a wink which feels like a punch to the gut. It’s a complete 360 from the Viktor he last saw and almost gives him whiplash and he can only scramble away with a jumble of nonsensical words caught in his throat.

               

They’re in the guest rooms now and Viktor leans close as he trails long, elegant fingers along Yuuri’s jaw, breath fanning across his face.

               

“Yuuri, tell me everything about yourself.”

               

Warm hands grasp his with surprising strength. “Before we start practicing, Let’s build some trust in our relationship.”

               

At this point, Yuuri’s heart is nearly exploding out of his chest and he barely manages to catch the rest of the sentence through the roar in his ears.

               

With Viktor’s words hanging heavy in the air between them and their shared space, it was like the gaping chasm Yuuri saw between them never even existed to begin with. There’s an inexplicable emotion shimmering in clear blue eyes and god, dear god Yuuri wants to believe in him so bad.

               

But he can’t. He just _can’t_.

               

Hot tears escape and dribble an all too familiar path down his cheeks but he manages to bite down on the hiccups before they can choke their way out his throat. It’s absolutely mortifying.

               

Yuuri’s socks slip against the tatami mats as he pushes himself away on his hands and feet as fast as he can. The rejection tastes like poison on his tongue and weighs profoundly on his mind.

               

It keeps echoing for the rest of the night as he lies curled up in bed whispering to himself over and over.

_“I can’t.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! The angst train has arrived and fluff is to come! Hit me up on tumblr or twitter @rainbowderpyhead if you'd like to scream with/at me about yoi :D


	2. Close Enough to Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's mortifying, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sitting here dying still screaming and unedited bc I'm too hysterical from the episode;;

The gentle words, the soft touches, they don’t decrease after that. In fact, they increase. It’s like a fairy tale where Viktor is trying to reach him and make him believe, before ultimately leaving. Yuuri’s not foolish enough to trust it.

               

Or maybe just a little. He knows he has to uproot the feeling before it grows too deep and becomes too painful. It’s almost impossible though, with the way Viktor seems to easily bridge the gap that Yuuri tries so hard to keep between them.

               

Yuuri’s carefully built shield comes crumbling down on a normal snowy day, no different than any other snowy day. It was bound to eventually, with all the cracks Viktor had chipped into it.

               

It’s after practice, sweat cooling on his skin and Yuuri shivers. The weather is so much colder than it was a mere few hours ago and he regrets not bringing a jacket with him. He startles when something obscures his view, draping across his shoulders and wrapping snugly around his neck. It’s warm, soft, red and smells so much like Viktor it makes his head spin.

               

The dam breaks and everything comes bubbling out. He feels his forehead crumple, burning tears threatening to fall and ugly sobs build in his chest. It’s mortifying that someone he admires so, so much sees him cry so often. Yuuri tries to pull the scarf away so he doesn’t drip tears and snot all over it, cursing gravity in the process, but a firm hand grabs his and tugs. He gets towed to the side of the path lined with benches and pulled to sit. Strong arms circle and pull him flush against one another and then he’s surrounded by Viktor’s scent, all warm campfires and spicy cinnamon. It only makes him shake harder, desperate to hold back.

              

“I’m sorry… This is all my fault.” Viktor whispers. His voice breaks halfway through and his arms tighten around Yuuri.

               

A raw hiccoughing sob rips its way out of Yuuri’s throat and once it starts, he can’t stop. The mere thought of smearing snot and tears all over his idol’s coat is appalling but the insistent hand at the back of his head just presses him close despite his struggling.

               

“Shush Yuuri, it’s okay.” Viktor murmurs, fingers smoothing soothing circles into Yuuri’s lower back. “Just let it out.”

               

Yuuri grabs a handful of his jacket which has now grown alarmingly damp, and looks up, all tearstained cheeks and hiccups. “It’s not your fault, Viktor.” He warbles out. “It’s not fair to take all the blame. I know you were just protecting yourself.”

               

His eyes widen when Viktor lets out a shivering breath, his own tears threatening to fall. “I just… it felt like I was being eaten alive you know? Everyone loves who I try to be so why not play along? Watching you skate my program though, it felt like you knew who I really am, like you really could see me for who I am.”

               

Yuuri gives a wet sniff before rubbing his eyes dry on a sleeve. Cupping Viktor’s cheek, he wipes away the mirroring tears with a thumb. “It’s okay. I know you tried to change, but I was too scared of what it meant. I didn’t want to hope too much just to have it pulled out of my reach.” A sad smile plays at the corner of his lips. “I’m sorry too.”

               

It’s like a weight off his shoulders Yuuri giggles at the absurdity of it all. Giggles turn to wild laughter and he just can’t stop. And then he does, because a nose bumps against his and silver hair tickles his eyes and he can’t even laugh anymore because there are lips against his.

               

It’s soft, warm, smells of warm campfires, spicy cinnamon and tastes of salty tears and Yuuri wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much if you made it this far! scream with me about y!!!oi on tumblr and twitter @rainbowderpyhead if you'd like ;) any feedback would be much appreciated!~


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